He Saved Me from the Dark Abyss, The Edge of Death

I was born with a sliver spoon in my mouth in Zejiang, China. My father was both rich and powerful. My aunt, a poor farmer's daughter, was one of his lesser wives. My mother, when sixteen years old, was forced to be his third lesser wife. By the time my mother was twenty years old, he had a fourth lesser wife. Due to agony, she devoted herself to Buddhism. At the age of twenty-two, she practiced Buddhism at our house Buddhist convent without shaving her head. My younger sister and I often followed her to worship an idol by bowing down and burning incense. When I was eight I burned my flesh to the idol by using incense. This left three holes on my left arm, a brand of offering to the idol.

When I was twelve or thirteen, I suffered from two great burdens. I was weak and often got sick. I also suffered from migraines and stomachache. Though there were delicacies of every kind, I did not feel like eating. I either had a stomachache or could not stop vomiting. Also, even at this young age, I suffered from insomnia because I studied too hard. I had injections of tonic and medications everyday, but this was to no avail. Therefore, I was always upset and irritable. I almost wanted to commit suicide. The second great burden was that I had a hot temper and flew into rage at the slightest provocation. I would cry and make a scene, cursing and hitting people. I was mean to my younger sister and rebellious to my mother. I looked down on my grandmother and mistreated the maid. I knew I was wrong but I could not control myself. I was chained by sin just as if there were seven evil spirits in me making me unable to act on my own. My room was filled with good words and teachings of the sages and men of virtue; however, when my evil nature broke out, none of these things could help me. Physically, I could hardly bear with my illness; mentally, I was even more depressed. As in my dream, I was being sucked into the dark pit and could not escape.

At the age of fourteen, my family moved to the inner land of Zejiang to take refuge in the small city of Lungchuan because there was a war between China and Japan. At that time, my father was chairman of the board of a bank. The wife of a factory director, who was under my father's leadership, was Christian. My mother and I were told many interesting sayings about her. "This Mrs. Wu came from Shanghai." "She is very arrogant and dresses herself beautifully." "She is of some oddity." "Why?" I asked out of curiosity. "Well, as soon as she heard that the Japanese bombers had arrived, she would kneel down on the ground and cry loudly to Jesus. Amazingly, she came through peacefully each time." Everyone laughed. (It was such a terrifying time whenever the Japanese bombers came and bombed the city.) So we were eager to meet this lady. When Mr. Wu, the factory director, visited our house, my mother jumped at the chance to invite his wife over. After that, she came every day to give a tonic injection to my mother and me. She had attended a nursing school and knew how to do this. Thus we began to hear about Jesus. However, I could hardly believe it. Instead, I felt it was repulsive more and more. Since we were Chinese and I had believed in Buddhism from my youth, "Why," I questioned, "should I convert to Christianity?" She told us that the Lord Jesus was the only Savior and the true God. She said that men made Buddha, therefore, it was a false god that was sculptured by mud or carved by wood. "Most importantly," she told us, "Buddha could not save people." "Besides," she said, “the manure bucket was made of wood." I thought to myself that she was very bold and rude to insult the god I worshipped. Because of this, I ignored her words and stared at her angrily. I even called her an "old fox" behind her back. However, whenever she visited us, she still told us that whoever believed in Jesus would have eternal life and would ascend to heaven after one died. Whoever did not believe would go to Hell. At the time I thought that I was so young that I did not need to consider the problem of death, and I could think of it when I was sixty years old. Then something happened that surprised me. Near our bank dormitory, there lived a poor family of four who all died in one day because of plagues spreading through the city. According to the newspaper, one third of the population had died so far from the plague. There were three kinds of epidemic disease: plague, pernicious malaria and scarlet fever. Two children of my neighbor--just six and seven years old--died too. It was then I began to feel that "death" was not too far from me, but was even next to my door. My father was too scared to work. My sister and I did not go to school. Everyone was worried about getting infected. Before long, I was infected by pernicious malaria. Though I had injections, medicine, and treatment for many days, my fever did not go down. One night, I woke up in the middle of the night with a very strange feeling. My heart was palpitating. I was gasping, and I could not speak. I felt that I was on the edge of death. All of my house members got up and one group after another group of servants was sent to fetch a doctor. My mother used her hands to rub my two cold feet and anxiously pleaded with me, "My beloved daughter, hurry up and ask Buddha to save you." At that time all sorts of feelings welled up in my heart. Sometime before, I had heard people say that "death" was just like falling asleep. One would get muddled and then lose consciousness. Why, then, was my mind clearer now than at any other time? What I personally experienced convinced me that "death" was not "the end," and it was clear that there was a way waiting ahead of me to walk. Moreover, I had to go. I was unwilling to die. How I hope that I could live another moment. How I hoped that there was someone to save me from death! But this was impossible. My heartbeat became weaker and weaker, and I gasped more and more. I looked at my mother who stood by massaging my feet anxiously. I could not help but sigh in my heart, "How she loves me, but the way I need to go today, she cannot go with me." The fact laid before me was, ‘death’ is not the end of everything. There is a way dark and terrible which forces you to go on. You have to go by yourself and no one can go with you." How dreadful it is! I was in such a panic that I asked for help from Buddha. With my most sincere heart, I asked Buddha to stop my heart from fear, but there was no response. At that moment I began to question in my heart: “Could these Buddhas be false gods? I have worshipped them sincerely since my childhood. Why did they not respond in such an urgent moment? Even if I had begged a person, he would have given me some comfort! Could it be true as Mrs. Wu said that Buddha was false?" Right at this critical moment, Mrs. Wu  unexpectedly appeared before my bed. On such a cold winter midnight, she had come despite the fact that she lived beside a big bridge that was very far away from my house. From the commotion made by the servants, groups after groups sent to fetch the doctor, she had learned that I was dying. She came to see me at once. She did not care how dark it was or how cold it was. Neither did she bother to consider how hard-hearted I was or that I was always against and resisted the Gospel she preached to me. Nor did she remember my rudeness. Nevertheless, she did not even consider whether there would be any effect if she came. She just came over immediately. When she saw that I was dying, she said, "Big sister, you better believe in Jesus so that you can go to heaven after you die." My thought was that I had never seen Jesus, neither had she. If she was cheated, I would also be cheated by believing in her. It was not that I was unwilling to believe, rather, I could not be convinced. She saw that I did not respond. She continued, "If it is not the time for you to die, Jesus will heal you if you believe in Him." I thought, "What a joke! I am going to die at once. I will not think to be healed." Again she told me, "You will have peace in your heart if you believe in Jesus." What? "Peace?" That was exactly what I desired the most at that time. I could not believe that I would "ascent to Heaven" or that I would "be healed." I only hoped that I would not be so full of panic. "Treat a dead horse as if it were still alive," I thought. "In any case, I'm dying. If I believe in Jesus who can give me peace. Then it would be a surprise again. If I do not have peace, then I could only force myself to face death, therefore, I nodded to give my consent. Immediately, she knelt down and prayed for me loudly. At the time I could not understand what she was saying, and I thought that she was chanting the Scriptures. But one thing was clear: as soon as she called upon the Lord suddenly my anxious and terrified heart felt such peace; it was as if a big rock fell out of my heart to the floor. "Peace" which could not be bought by money. Peacefully, I fell asleep. It was just like that. Before the doctor arrived, I accepted the Lord Jesus as my Savior. I knew He sacrificed Himself and bled to redeem me from the curse and punishment of sins and evils, so that I could be reborn and have peace. Moreover, my physical life has been delivered from the edge of death as well.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light, on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)