4. How Can I Be Idle or Relax?

                My mother’s family has been very poor. My cousins entered America illegally and they had to work day and night to pay their debt.  Two cousins, a brother and a sister, lived separately in two floors of the same building.  I lived with the sister on the third floor.  She and her husband lived in one room, and her two daughters and I shared the other room.  In the middle of the night I would go to the living room to read the Bible and pray.  My cousin’s husband went to work early in the morning and my cousin would use every minute to sew clothes at home.  The kitchen was her factory.  None of the family believed in Jesus nor were they interested in the gospel.  I could only tell Bible stories to the children.  The oldest one was about ten years of age and the younger one was almost six.  Sometimes when I got up to pray in the living room, the younger one would follow me and kneel down behind me half asleep.  Her mother discovered this and would put her back to bed.

                The whole family loved to watch TV at which time I always stayed in the bedroom.  Gradually I relaxed and they kept on asking me to join.  “Come and watch with us”, they urged.  I thought that since there was no work for me to do, it would be fine to watch some harmless programs.  However, I had no peace when I read the Bible or prayed because my thoughts were disrupted by the scenes from the TV programs. I had watched.  Indeed, to be a friend of the world means to be an enemy of God.

                Later the Lord awoke me by one incident.  For many nights I had joined the family to watch the beauty pageant in Hong Kong.  Since I was a woman, I thought there would be no harm for me to watch the beauty contest.  The Master of Ceremonies was so cute and humorous as he introduced every beauty, and he won everyone’s heart.  His name was Paul Chung and he was distinguished in entertainment.  Who would know what would take place when the pageant was finished?  It was reported in the newspaper in extra bold print,  “Paul Chung committed suicide, jumped from a skyscraper.”  This news surprised me as a bolt from the blue.  The newspaper report continued for many days.  He had a large income and was adored by many girls and he was very dutiful toward his mother.  However he went to Macao for gambling.  As a result he ran into huge debts that he could not pay back.  He was driven to suicide and jumped from a skyscraper about twenty floors.  In his last words he asked his younger brother to take care of their mother.

                The Lord shook me greatly by this incident.  How many souls went down to the pit and perished while I was idling and wandering in front of the TV?  Although the TV personalities were good-looking, humorous, and charming, their inner pain and puzzlement could not be delivered by men.  They struggled just as I had struggled in the dark pit before I was saved.  I confessed my sin of shedding people’s blood to the Lord.  But I also told the Lord,  “There is no door in the bedroom that I share with the children, and it is so noisy when the family watches TV in the evening that I really cannot read the Bible or pray.”  The Lord gave me the idea to take refuge in the kitchen.  Though it was greasy and dirty with scraps of cloth and thread all over the floor, it was a heaven when I closed the door and knelt down to pray.  Earnestly I interceded for the development of the Lord’s work.  I poured out my heart to the Lord,  “Some sisters wrote to me from China that they worried for me and were afraid that I might roam the streets in America, since I had no one to rely on.  They knew that my relatives did not believe in the Lord or were nominal Christians. Even my cousin thought that the best way out for me would be to marry an old widower.  My prayer was, “O Lord, manifest your might.  Lead me to the Promised Land; let me accomplish what you want me do; and let me see the establishment for the home for workers.  Then everyone will know your will and obey it, and know the path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.”