Mary’s Testimony of Psalm 16/4

The sorrow of those will increase who run after other gods”


I had been thirsty for my mothers attention since I was a child. I desired to get all of her love. Therefore?I had been very jealous of my younger sister since she was born. When I was about 14 years old, I believed in Jesus Christ. But I still desired my mother’s love more than the love of Jesus. When I could not get enough attention from her, I would lose my temper and cry unreasonably. I would not stop crying until she came to comfort me. Sometimes she was tired of my crying, and she ran away from me. Then I would lock myself in my room and cry bitterly on my bed. I was helpless and angry, and I felt like in the hell. I even rubbed off the skin of my face purposely to make her felt guilty of ignoring me. Once I really went to the mountain and wanted to kill myself in the river. How I tortured myself and my mother when she was a god in my heart.


Later a nurse became my new idol. I met her in the hospital because I was sick all the time. Her name was Lotus Lee. She was very pretty and pure just as a lotus. She was also good at looking after the patient so that every one liked her. She was calm and kind, and was quick to respond to the needs of the patient. How I admired her. Whenever I went to hospital, I desired to see her. I missed her as soon as I left the hospital. If I did not see her for a few days, I felt empty.


Even after God called me to serve Him as a missionary, I could not love God wholeheartedly. The love and care of co-workers and believers in the hard time became my comfort. They became other gods in my heart. When I was in the labor camp, God used some of my group leaders to treat me kindly. I was so grateful to them that I put God behind me. I loved them dearly as my mother and older sisters. I always desired to tell them what was in my heart. They were always in my heart. How I should have given thanks to the Lord and poured out my heart to Him. But I had other gods in my heart.


For many years God could not be the only God in my heart. Our Lord is a jealous God. Therefore, there was no peace but darkness and misery in my heart. Finally, I could not bear it any more. I fast and cried to God every morning to cleanse my heart and get rid of every idol in my soul. Every morning I prayed to God to set me free from any bondage of things, people, or materials. God was so merciful and faithful. He purified me completely before I realized it. Hallelujah! I no longer desired anything in my heart except Jesus Christ. But I still look up to His grace even now. I press on toward the goal more and more everyday. Follow the example of Paul to regard all things as rubbish. Work out my salvation with fear and trembling. Amen!

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