The sorrow of those will increase who run after other gods”

Mary’s Testimony of Psalm 16/4



O how wide and long and high the love of Jesus Christ is! What love He came to search me, this dying and lost sheep. What a sinner I was! I worshiped idols, resisted the gospel, and loved darkness and hated light.


I was born in China. My father was a very rich man. My mother was his third wife. She devoted herself to Buddhism and my younger sister and I also followed her. When I was eight years old, I burned my flesh to the idol by using incense. This left three holes on my left arm.


When I was fourteen, I was dying of malaria. One night, I woke up, my heart was beating very fast and I could not speak. All of my house members got up. Groups of servants were sent out to get a doctor. My mother was rubbing my cold feet anxiously. I looked at her and thought, “How she loves me, but she cannot go with me the way I must go now.” The fact laid before me was, ‘Death’ is not the end of everything. You are forced to go on a dark and unknown way. You have to go by yourself and no one can go with you. How dreadful it is! All of my sins were before my eyes. I asked sincerely from my heart to Buddha for help. But there was no response. I began to question in my heart, “Could these Beddhas be false gods?”


What a surprise that Mrs. Wu appeared before my bed at this moment. She was a friend of my mother and she was a Christian. When she heard that I was dying, she came to see me at once in such a cold winter night. In spite of that I had always resisted the gospel she preached to me. She told me. “You must believe in Jesus, the only living God, you will go to heaven after you die.” I thought that if she was cheated, I would also be cheated. She continued, “If it is not the time for you to die. Jesus will heal you if you believe in Him.” I thought, what a joke! I was getting worse and worse, I was dying. It was impossible for me to be healed. She told me again, “If you believe in Jesus, you will have peace in your heart.” What? Peace? That was what I desired the most at that time. I nodded my head and gave it a try. She knelt down at once and prayed for me loudly. As soon as she called on the name of Jesus Christ, suddenly it was as if a big rock roll out of my heart to the floor. “Peace” filled my heart. I fell asleep. Jesus Christ saved me from the edge of death. He redeemd me from the curse of sins by sacrificing Himself and shedding His blood on the cross. He gave me peace, He healed my illness and He gave me eternal life.


However, after I was reborn, I only wanted Jesus to bless me more and more so that I could enjoy my life. I had never thought about repaying God’s kindness. In fact at that time, I felt the most dreadful thing was to leave every worldly thing behind to become a missionary. But Jesus made me to offer myself to Him and clearly called me to leave everything of the world and to follow Him.


When I was in university, one night I attended a revival meeting. The speaker asked us to dedicate ourselves to Jesus. I was not moved. But when I saw my younger sister responding to the calling, I felt I had to do the same. Because I did not want to fall behind my younger sister and lose face. Then, I dedicated myself to Jesus against my own will. In 1949 when I graduated from the university, God clearly called me to be a full-time missionary.


Go Up To the Mountain


“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are you ways my ways’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’” (Isaiah 55:8-9)


Since I had already been called, I had been considering where I should go to be trained by the Lord. Two choices were laid on me. One was Home of Grace for Chrit’s Workers on a mountain in Hangzhou, and the other was the Devotion Seminary in Shanghai. The one on the mountain was newly established by the Lord’s servant, Uncle Chang. Life on the mountain was very hard. There was no other textbook except the Bible on the mountain.


At that time I thought I should enter the best seminary in China to learn some Greek or Hebrew or music and piano so as to be an outstanding missionary. How could I go to this desolate mountain? All my heart wanted was the Devotion Seminary.


I prayed for evidence of God for confirmation. But I did not get the evidence I prayed. God clearly stopped me from going my own way. Finally, God used the Lord’s servant, Uncle Chang, to push me to take His way. One day at dusk, Uncle Chang came to me and strictly ordered me to follow him to at once to the mountain for training. When we went up the mountain, I was shedding tears just as a wild donkey that was being forcibly pulled up to the mountain, because I was taking a way that was totally contrary to my natural taste. Blessed are those who fear and obey Him.


The House of God


“‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.’ He was afraid and said, ‘How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven.’” (Genesis 28:16-17)


1. Be Filled With the Holy Spirit


Before I came up to the mountain, Home of Grace for Christ’s Workers I thought I loved the Lord very much. However, as soon as I arrived, it was as if I had been under a spiritual X-ray. All my hidden sins were exposed completely. I could only repent in dust and ashes.


Everyday everyone gathered together for Bible study, prayer, and confession. The Holy Spirit worked so mightily that the wind of the Spirit blew and the rain of the Spirit poured down abundantly! Many people were filled with the Holy Spirit. Some of us felt strange and were scared.


Afterward the Lord began a work of “thirst” in our hearts. We were so thirsty to be filled with the Holy Spirit. At the same time we emptied our sins more thoroughly. If we offended people, we wrote to confess and say sorry. If we owed someone, we made restitution. Thus we found out it was true that “ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find.” Pretty soon, one night when we were outside praying together in a circle, my younger sister and I were filled with the Holy Spirit almost at the same time. She was singing spiritual songs, and I was like a person who had too much wine. I felt that Heaven was open. I was sitting in the arms of the Lord and was filled with the Lord’s love. I was bursting with joy, and I started to dance with my hands for joy. I felt like Heaven was on earth. I tasted the grace of Heaven in spirit. Actually, there are many places in the Bible where being filled with the Holy Spirit is mentioned. We should return to being the humble children, who confess completely and purify themselves according to the Lord’s words. Then we boldly seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit.


However, we should never remain in the enjoyment of being filled with the Holy Spirit; rather, we should “eat” the whole Bible so that God’s words will be stored in our hearts abundantly. We should make every effort to become workers who have been transformed by the Word, the Spirit, and the Love of God so as to be an instrument that is after God’s heart and mind. How pity that we thought “being filled with the Holy Spirit” was the highest level in spirit. Therefore, we did not make every effort in seeking the truth and love (after we were filled with the Holy Spirit). As a result of it, most of us fell or withdrew in hardship and temptation.


2. The Word of God is Full of Power


One Saturday I followed one small group to practice gospel preaching. I looked around. There were soldiers fully armed; I was a little scared. Suddenly the leading brother asked me to preach because I had just been filled with the Holy Spirit. I was so scared, and I didn’t know what to say. Therefore, I simply closed my eyes, because I thought if I didn’t see the soldiers, I might not be scared. Then, I spoke softly with a trembling voice. “It is very good to believe in Jesus. All of you come to believe in Jesus.” Suddenly, I remembered two days ago, I read one sentence from the book of John. I recited that Scripture without adding or subtracting: “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” As I spoke of God’s Word, immediately I was filled with the Holy Spirit. My entire body was lifted up and my feet were ascending from the ground. Hurriedly I held on to a bamboo pole beside me which was used to display a flag of the cross. I thought if I ascend into the air, the soldiers would arrest me. They would assume that I practiced sorcery to deceive people. When I finished preaching, I opened my eyes and the crowd gradually left. One soldier came to ask me: “Then how can one believe in Jesus?” I could not answer him, but invited him to come up to Home of Grace on the mountain the next day, Sunday. That soldier did come up to the mountain. He talked to Uncle Chang after the meeting. Tears was all over his face when they finished talking. That day he had repented and was saved. Later, I learned that he was a section chief and was soon to be transferred to another place.


This incident made me realize no matter how weak and useless I was, as long as I proclaimed God’s words, I had power to get hold of people. The word of God is the Spirit, the powerful hammer, and the sharp double-edged sword. Nothing is impossible with the word of God. Thousands of sentences of man’s words — filled with philosophy and maybe pleasant to listen to — are not as good as a sentence of God’s word that will bless and benefit others.


3. Know My Entrustment


“Do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will.” (Ephesians 5: 17) During that time, two young sisters were moved by the Holy Spirit to pray together for the work of Home of Grace for Christ’s Workers in the middle of night. Unexpectedly one winter night, they were filled with the Holy Spirit. They Holy Spirit sent them to go to America to set up a Home of Grace. This information gave everyone a great shake-up. My spirit was awakened. Most of us were busy with other things. These two sisters understood the heart of God so that they aimed their prayers for God’s work. God’s heart was zealous for His work. He wants to use this ministry to raise up billions of workers on the earth who are after His heart, to work together to accomplish His commission before the end of time.


Then I was moved and began to seek for God’s will earnestly. When I prayed in the morning, I poured out everything before the Lord and only desired God’s will. He made me know my entrustment was Eastern Europe. There was neither wind nor rain; the Lord made my heart clearly understand His mind, and at the same time He made me recall that I once asked Him one question: “Are those who are born and grow up in the atheistic countries destined to perish? Don’t you love them?” Now the Lord answered me. He not only loves them, but He is also sending me to preach the gospel to Eastern Europe where countries are ruled by atheists. Moreover, God used the Scriptures of that day, 1 Chronicles 11 and Romans 1 to speak to me. He wanted me to follow the example of Paul to understand the Lord’s heart and to go through fire and water without hesitation to preach God’s words.


The Lord’s love compelled me. Though I am the least, I dedicated myself willingly as the poor widow who was grateful and put all she had to repay the Lord’s goodness to her. Since that time, I have been praying for Poland everyday, because the Eastern Europe Home of Grace will be in Poland. At that time, my heart secretly determined: “Even if I need to crawl, I will crawl to the entrusted land that God gives me.”

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